I fucking suck at soccer I tell you. Ya, I'm like the biggest bullshit St. Gabriel's prestigious soccer team have ever produced. I am so ashamed to be Hariss Harun's teammate. Maybe I should just quit soccer and play golf or something. I'm such a fucking sissy, I'm a total failure in soccer. I'm so dissapointed with myself, to think that I was better than average. You have got to be kidding me.
"It's only one game, relax!", that's what I keep telling myself. Fuck, this just ain't one game. My form has been steadily declining and today it just got even fucking worse. The feeling as though you have given your best in the match but it just wasn't enough, and when you get off the pitch and start to think it through, it seems that alot of mistakes could have been avoided. I should be setting a good example for my juniors' now that I'm in Sec 4!
I don't seem to be able to get a good night's rest. Tossing and turning in bed for hours each day, staring at the ceiling, as though it might just fall on me any moment. Waking up in the wee hours of the morning, it's as though something is bugging me. I think I got insomnia, and there might be a possibility I'm suffering from depression.
I've resorted to taking sleeping pills to get some sleep. Desperate huh? I just wish there would be some light in this little cloudy time of mine. For now, I'm going to get more sleeping pills with the hope I don't wake up anymore. I feel like vomiting, my chest hurts, my body aches. Fuck, you weak living soul.
